I’m broke, I’m broke, man alive that ain’t no joke

21 03 2011

Just had to use a line from one of my favorite songs for this post because it really tells the truth right about now.  I was all set to do an upbeat post on how I wasn’t broke, and I am getting good at facing my financial realities as a game and finally learning the differenc between want and need. 

Until I did my revised budget for next month.  After the basics are paid for, I am $200 in the hole.  And when I say basics, I mean house payment, car payment, insurance and HOA allocation, food, utilities, and gas.  So what do I cut?  House is shelter, car is how I get to the job that doesnt’ pay me enough, insurance keeps my car healthy, HOA keeps my house from being foreclosed by a stupid HOA, food keeps me alive, utilities keep me in power and water, and gas keeps the car that gets me to the crappy job that doesn’t pay enough.   It was one thing when all my needs were paid for and I had to save for wants.  But there is no way in hell I can save up for needs each month!

Yes, I have savings but I refuse to dig into them when I have a job that should be covering my basic needs.  Especially when I helped build this company and the last one and got screwed during that deal.  And let’s not mention the $400 a month student loan payments that I have coming due in August. 

I’ve been BROKE before and I know I am not there but when I was, I was a lot younger and going through a divorce and lost alot of my ability to pay bills really fast when I had the same expenses as a two income house on one income.  I have never had to sit and watch myself become broke over time WHEN I had a job.  I now know about the working poor….I think I just became one.

So, my options at this point are to 1) look for a new full time job that pays the  bills (which I am) and 2) get a part time job (which will have to happen in May…waiting tables, here I come!!)

But, I can either let it get me down or just adjust to it until it gets better.  It always gets better and this is a lesson that apparently I need to learn or a skill I need to get better at. 

I have already had to decline a few invites out to dinner and movies.  I don’t feel comfortable coming out and telling people why.  If they ask I will tell them, but I feel like if I volunteer it then they will think I am asking for them to pay my way and I am not.  It’s just a matter of priorities.  I have a feeling it will weed out a few more of the dwindling numbers of friends I have.  And I have a feeling I know exactly which ones.


Rare At Work Post

25 01 2011

I rarely post at work and darnit, I really wanted to stay up beat and positive with my postings for a week. But, my blog, my free therapy right?!

I went to ask the boss about a call he got when I checked his messages (let us please not forget that I have 15 yrs experience and a MBA).  He acted like I should know the person and I reminded him that I had no contact with this person and I was unsure of her story.  He stated very matter of factly that I would meet her at his Super Bowl party.  I stated back also very matter of factly that I would not be in attendance at said party.  You would have thought I told him I ran over his dog and jumped up and down laughing on it’s dead, twitching body (again, for the record I LOVE all my animals just using this as a metaphor).

I’m sorry, but if a party is actually a business function, please tell me ahead of time and don’t send me an invitation that I can RSVP to…send me an email telling me what time I need to be there and that it is part of my job.

And don’t call it a personal insult that I will not be attending.  If we are going to play that game, I call it a persoal insult that I have worked for you for ten years and for my graduation from grad school (which you didn’t pay for but for which you have gotten the benefit of my education) you did absolutely nothing to mark the occasion; not even a nice lunch out to say way to go.   I take it as a personal insult that you acknowledge to all that your favorite past time in this office is to insult me and treat me like I should be lucky to have this job.  I call it an insult that you assume that I have no life and that I wouldn’t have other, more age appropriate plans for Superbowl weekend (especially since it is being held in our town).  Finally, I call it a personal insult that you owe me $6,000 for the last job I did for you and that at the end of 2010, I had taken an almost 50% cut in pay working for you and I can barely pay my bills yet you still bitch about working to pay my salary.  How you can’t afford the lifestyle of yearly  long trips to Europe anymore when I’m lucky if I can save $100 a month into my savings account!!  You have used me for 10 years to learn how others do their job and then have me do it and cut them loose to save yourself some money.

But the joke is on you Mr. Bossman.  Trust me, I do have wings and I am currently searching for somewhere to let them carry me off to.  A girl has to do something with all that free time not spent studying anymore right!! 🙂


4 08 2010

First off, I am working on about 4 hours of good sleep here so I am not 100%.  This is all due to a last-minute concert I went to last night where I didn’t get home until about 1 this morning.  Needless to say I am tired.  Funny how if you really watch your moods you will learn what physical things set your mood for the day.  I know that if I am tired, hungry, or overwhelmed , those are my triggers for either a victim day, a sad day, or a mad day.  For that reason, I try to make sure that I am never too tired, hungry or overwhelmed.  And today…is a BIG. FAT. FAIL.

Tired and tried to get as much sleep as possible.  Hungry because of said sleep and running out of time to make breakfast (and nothing prepaid for emergencies on hand).  Overwhelmed…not so much but the lack of sleep is making me move REAL slow and I am having a hard time with my brain so it is making me feel overwhelmed. I hate to say caffeine might be the answer here, but it just might. Just something to get me moving. 

So I went to the concert last night and a few of my old friends were there.  These are the typical Facebook friends who were once friends in real life but who know consist of friendship through status post. It isn’t like these are people I barely knew way back when.  These are people who I spent, in one case 4 years every day with and the other 4 years and then 3 in college with.  It’s funny how you can exchange comments in FB  back and forth all day but when you mention, hey we are going to the same concert, we should hook up and say hi, the crickets start chirping.  Then come to find out one of  the “friends” was literally 4 rows in front of me in the next section!!  These are the Facebook Falsies.  The friend collectors, the collectors for potential future networking opportunities.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but really don’t start suggesting meeting up one day if that day never presents itself, and even when it did.  Just look at it for what it is, you’re a falsy. 

And yes, a lot of this is the lack of sleep talking but these are things that irk me about social networking.  We are more connected than ever but we are also more disconnected than ever.  These are things I am guilty of as well.  We IM and text more than we pick up a phone to call someone.  We keep up with more people than ever through social networking but yet we never really talk to them.  Of course, social networking has its perks and as a blogger I see them every day.  It allows you to connect with people all over who are like you.  I have seen quite a few blog friendships grow into true friendships.  Social networking helps you feel like you are not the only one out there who is going through certain things.  I love being able to read other people’s challenges with the same thing I am going through. I get motivation to continue on and I get idea of combating some of the issues I am facing.  So it has its place, but when you start only living in the internet world, you start having issues.  The only problem is, that everyone is living in the internet world and sometimes in order to connect you have to go into their world and dont’ expect them to come to yours.  Is any of this making sense or am I just rambling in a brain-dead state?

Anywho, I think I am going to start working to put a little more of the real world back into my life.  While I can’t give up blogging because it now serves as a journaling exercise for me, I can lessen the Facebook time, start picking up the phone and suggesting that my friends and I meet face to face, and I can start working on using up some of that pretty stationary that I have sitting around and write a few thank you cards and letters that are way overdue.  Time to break the digital bonds!

Back to Life…

25 07 2010

Back to reality.  That is exactly what it feels like right now.  That or Reality Bites.  I still have so much school work to do it isn’t even funny.  I am past the crying stage and now at the laughing stage. I need a break from school..BAD.  I know I am so close to the finish line but I am honestly not sure I am going to make it.

This weekend was full of trying to do school work and spending time enjoying the new car!!  I got woken up on Saturday with a call from my favorite car guy asking if I had checked my email.  I was out of bed and running to the computer in no time and was greeted by this picture!

Wrapped up like a Christmas present!  It is now in the garage after getting 100 miles on it yesterday and I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow just so I can drive it.  It’s the little things, let me tell ya.

Other than that, I have been basically laying low.  I haven’t had any friend time and I am OK with that.  I am sure I will see them soon but really, I am not rushing to hang out.  It’s the loner in me coming out I guess.

OH!!!  So does anyone use their personal Facebook account for business networking?  Sure, I keep a few of my close clients on my friend list and a few co-workers.  But these are people who have become personal friends.  I never do work networking or marketing to them on FB.  I use Linkedin for that.  I got an email today from a high school friend and thought it was strange.  So when I opened it, it was a solicitation for a MLM scheme.  Give me a freaking break!!!  Dude, FB is for FUN not for trying to get someone in your pyramid.   NEXT.

Most Needed Three Day Weekend EVER!

28 05 2010

This weekend could not come at a better time. I must must MUST get out of this office and away from these people. 

Please excuse me while I let out some much-needed frustration with my present place of employment.  I am 7 months away from my MBA. I have a pretty good employment track record, I have run operations for numerous operations, I have worked financial magic on companies, I have made pretty profits for owners on the sale of their business which I built up.  Now, I am being treated like a frickin’ secretary.  They have me making lunch appointments, checking voicemail, setting phone conferences.  WHAT THE FUCK!!!!  This is not what I signed up for.  The carrot they keep dangling in front of my face to get me to stay here is starting to mold and rot folks.  Sure, some people would be OK with doing those things in the scope of their job or to help out but I have been around this particular group for too long to know that the minute I start doing that, I am doomed to be there permanently.

I also have my job period.  I have no love life, I have no kids, I put my focus on my accomplishments and how I grow my career.  And to be pushed back 12 years in my career is not where I ever want to be.  But this fucking economy has dashed my job search and even when I spent 6 months looking I couldn’t find a damn thing.  I guess it is back to the job search drawing board to figure out some stuff. 

My meeting last night couldn’t have come at a better time.  The whole topic that we used was how to create your personal marketing plan and how to get out there and promote yourself.  Very good timing if I do say so myself.  I also got called on to do an on the fly speech and answer a question that I dread.  I just need to keep answering the “Tell me What you Do?” question over and over out loud and get comfortable with it.  I am a writer not a speaker right now but I think that if I write out a 60 second blurb I will be able to memorize the jest of it and get something down to tell people. Once I have that then I should be able to go out and conquer the world of networking and maybe find a job where I am not calling to confirm lunch appointments.