A Great Weekend.

21 11 2010

The more fun, the bigger the hangover!  It was all worth it though.

Last night, was an amazing time with old friends and some unexpected turns for the good.  I decided to head out with my ex-husband’s friends last night to relive old times.  I figure 10 years is enough time for him to stop claiming them.

One of his friends in particular has always gotten my attention.  I would be lying if I denied that the night I met my ex I was hoping it was his friend that came up to me.  He has always been sweet and the perfect gentleman. One of the things we talked about last night was that night.  How he wasn’t sure it was him and he didn’t take the chance.  The thought of how things could have been was a little humbling.  Of course, everything that happened made us who were are today. I can say we both have done pretty well in our lives with the only down side being relationships.

He was true to form when he took me out last night, paid for all my drinks, and took care of me….oh did he take care of me.  There was a little “tension” all through the night; little glances, smiles, that kind of stuff.  After a great night, we get back to the truck and the kiss we had blew me away!!  It was like 10 years of tension built into that kiss.  I can honestly say, I have never had a kiss like that.  It was AMAZING just like the whole night. And even after the first kiss, that same passion never went away.

I had no idea that was going to happen.  Where we stand, no one knows and I am not going to read into it or make something of it other than what it was. BUT, just in my mind, I hope it happens again.

It made my brunch today so much more bearable.  If anything it just showed me what I gave up when I got divorced and how my new “friends” really don’t know who I am except for the parts of me that fit with their image.


Relationships are Evil?

18 11 2010

I read a post on a fellow blogger’s blog that I read quite often.  It’s rare for me to find a blog written by someone who is my age and still single and just as jaded and brutally honest as I wish I could be.

I have been thinking of her post for a day or so now and feeling how I can completely relate to it.  Sure, I have been married before (for a whole 18 months) but sad as it is, my ex and I were better f*ck b*ddies than we ever were married.  My friends and I joke I am a curse or a blessing (however you want to look at it) to every guy I date.  They break up with me and literally the next person they go on a date with they end up marrying. No less than the last 5 relationships I have had has this happened. Even The Boy who took 9 months to utter the words I Love You started dating someone 3 months after we ended our year and a half relationship and was engaged within 7 months.   But I am OK with that because I am happy.  The things I am missing, I can get anywhere (even though I rarely take advantage of that).

I too am VERY independent.  Hell, now days to be this age and be single, you have to be.  But, I also think that it has something to do with the fact that I refuse to settle for anyone and as I have gotten older, I notice my must have list gets longer and not shorter.  I am completely happy in my little single world that for anyone to be considered to come into it on a permanent basis, they damn will better be my Superman.  Sure, I have “dated” a few that would be contenders but life gets in the way and people move on (literally and figuratively) and you know what, I’m OK with that.

Pity Party….table for one??

25 10 2010

You know you are gonna hit a low when you have a weekend full of highs.

I had an amazing weekend at the track and finally pushed car to a few new limits.  It was so great to be out there for a weekend and be able to feel completely at ease and like you belong.  I met some great new people and even co-existed peacefully with PK.  Very good weekend…until.  The potential didn’t show up and when I suggested that we get together after for drinks he blew me off.  That was my last straw and I am dropping him from my rotation.  The issue is that he was the only player in my rotation.

I did meet another nice guy but I think he is more of a networking person and just wants to meet connections.  I’m OK with that.  I can always use a new friend.

I have to admit I did tear up a little when I got blown off and it is still messing with me.  I blew off the gym tonight and now I am indulging in a non-junk food pity party.  Very strange for me.  I am allowing myself one night to wallow in my pity and then tomorrow I am getting back on track.

I have figured out that I am the platonic chick friend who can talk to guys about cars, out drive most of them and basically be everything they always say they want.  But then they decide it isn’t.  I am getting used to that role.  Oh well, I guess someone has to play it!

Stop spazzing!!

19 10 2010

So JP had to tell me last night in his wonderful not so subtle way to stop spazzing.  Very true…time to just enjoy this new feeling for however long it lasts.  Time to keep my self esteem up and remember that I do deserve him, that he does like me that way, and that not everything is destined to fail.  Even if it does, I have had this feeling and wouldn’t change it for the world. 

I also started bawling last night (no, he didn’t see this) when I was able to put an event on my calendar…Graduation.  I knew it was coming and that it would be in the next few months. But to have a definitive date and time just made it all real.  Then I got sad; thinking of all of the people in my life who started this journey with me 12 years ago and who are no longer here to witness the accomplishment.  I know they are always with me in spirit and I know they will be smiling down on me on that day but it is still bittersweet.  But, I will have my own version of family with me on that day.  I’ll have the best family that I could have ever been given by God with me.  I will also have my girlfriends who are like the sisters I never had with me.  My boss and his wife who have been with me from the start and who I see more as family than the people who sign my paycheck.  And, if the Lord willing, I will have a certain somebody there to help me start the next chapter of my life. 🙂

Cloud 9 Feels Good

15 10 2010

Right now, besides for the complete lack of sleep that is slowing me, I feel great!  I might actually have to come up with a blog name for new guy other than new guy if last night was an indication of things to come.

I finally chicked up and just gave him my number and said use it or don’t.  Well he did and we emailed back and forth, texted, and finally called.  All in all, he ended up at the house around 10 and we hung out and had a few drinks and talked until about 1 and then he went home.  He was nothing but a perfect gentleman and I’m even more smitten now than I was before.  Best part, he’s onboard as well. 

I was open and honest about PK and that whole deal.  I knew if I wasn’t it could come back to bite me.  He seemed really cool about it.  I just know I need to do a little more to make him realize I like him for him not for what he does or has. 

Bring on the good times again!

How can I get out of my head

14 10 2010

Lately, I feel like I have been inside my head way too much.  Extroverts probably can’t understand that but introverts can probably relate.  I sit here in my thoughts when I should be working.  I start reading documents and then get lost in a thought.  This is the stage where I have so many thoughts in my head but I can’t formulate them into words. 

Things are going good with the new interest.  I finally got tired of playing the nice, sweet girl who would have waited forever for him to ask for my number or ask me out. I took matter into my own hands and led the conversation down the path.  The number is now in his phone and there are plans for a meeting.  Time to act my age and not like some 16 year old little school girl.  Plus, I really like this one so might as well just take a chance.  Jump off the cliff and the net will appear. 

So much in my head that I need to get out!!  Tonight will be a run session for sure.  It will help me.  Plus I am so sore from the trainer last night that I can’t do the row machine.  The stationary bike doesn’t do it for me, and the Eliptical hurts my knees at this point so I can’t do that. 

Oh well, lunch time here .

Weight Loss Journey – Update and other smileys

6 10 2010

I passed the plateau!! I have always hit this number and never been able to pass it.  Well today as I weighed in, I realized I passed it.  I hit a number that I haven’t seen in a long time.  I will NEVER be back to above the plateau number again.  Yea me!!  I started going to the gym so hopefully the multi pound loss will continue.  I lost 3 pounds this week.  3 pounds a week is what I hope for. I know it might not seem realistic but I hope that continuing low carb and daily workouts will help.  I have another number in mind and until I hit it, I am staying strict to the diet.

That said, I did miss gym night tonight.  I had a professor that decided to make an exam due a day earlier than he originally said.  I found out tonight…at 7pm.  I hadn’t started it.  I had to fake a ton of data and just make it up.  We shall see.  10 more weeks and I am DONE!!!

So I think after a few days absence, new guy might be a little more interested than I gave him credit for.  There are things he is saying that just make me think that.  We shall see but I have the warm and fuzzys about it.  Yea me!!  It is true, be yourself and the person who is attracted to your true self will appear. Sometimes it is worth it to not change for someone else.  You will be much happier in the end being yourself.

Life is good.  Life is really good right now.  And I am trying to be optimistic and not wait for the other shoe to drop.  When your dancing and both feet are in the air, the other show can’t drop, it keeps dancing.