I Thought There Was a Name for This Feeling

26 05 2010

I am restless.  The weight of the dreaded to do list is starting to weigh on me.  The weight is even worse when I can’t vocalize everything on the list but I know it is there. 

There are some that live by the belief that a to do list is an evil creation only made to torture us.  To me, a to do list is the only way I can remember what all I need to do.  Picture if you will a girl who works 40+ hours a week, takes a full course load in grad school, and who always has to have goals to work towards (because of course getting the MBA is not a real goal (said sarcastically of course)).  Add in a bit of a tendency to keep a messy house, the required friendship maintenance activities, and the “free time” past times.  Getting the necessity of a to do list yet? 

This summer (if I don’t pass out from exhaustion), I will have to pass 2 classes, about 10 major work projects,  give about 4 speeches at my club, continue with the weight loss, and get a good chunk of my studying done for my license exam.  Ideally, I would like to pass that exam in September so I would have to have a lot of the studying done.  Add in, keeping a clean house, friend time, and brain unwind time and I see a lot of the planning required in my summer.

I have friends who have decided to focus solely on school and 2-3 classes a semester.  They have decided that there shall be no summer school for the first part of the summer and it shall be a relaxing time.  I have to hear the same said friends whine about how stressed and overwhelmed they are with life during long semesters too.  I strongly believe that the size (or lack thereof) of our to do lists, whether published or not, is our own doing. We put the pressure on ourselves and have the power to remove the pressure and thus I don’t want to hear you whine about how hard life is.  Please stop and consider my life and everything I fit into it and what I do.  I don’t have the luxury of quitting my job to focus on school and nor would I want to.  You will never hear me cry about how hard life is over and over again.  You will never see me flip out.  Why?  Because I freely chose this life and all of the associated, dare I say stress, that comes with it. I chose it, I can un-choose it and thus there is no reason to cry about something I did to myself.  And that my friends is what I have learned.  If I could now just learn to praise myself for the same accomplishments I have done and not see them as just what I am supposed to do, life would be golden.

I am trying to learn, there is a way to sneak in something fun in everything that I am doing.  For my school and the exam prep, it will take a lot of studying.  That studying can take place just as easily beside the pool or at the beach as it can sitting in my office at the house.  Heck, I might even go this weekend and spend some money and get my backyard set up so I can hang out back there and study a little.  I say that but probably not, but it is a good thought.  

One of the reasons I took back the backyard statement is because I am doing my twice a year shopping on Friday so fund are going to be a little limited after that.  Probably more than a little limited.  Self imposed spending hiatus is approaching for June and July and will end with the purchase of the A3.  Ah, so that means that on top of all that stress, retail therapy will not be an option for me as a release.  Well, I guess my release will be the gym, photography, lake, yard work, and making a mosaic of all of the things I would have purchased or want to purchase. 

Fun times ahead!!

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